I’m not very good at introducing myself.
You’d think that since I consider myself something of a writer that writing an introduction would be easier but nope. Still awkward.
It’s like standing in front of an audience that I know is there but can’t see while I awkwardly hold up my blog like Rafiki lifting baby Simba for all to see and stammering, “Hey, guys. Look. I made dis.”
I suppose it’s just easier to get it over with quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid. A Band-Aid that’s actually duct tape and has been superglued to your forehead. And that, ladies and gents, is how Harry Potter actually got his scar.
All efforts at stalling this introduction aside, I’ve wanted to write a blog for some time now. But, as a full time procrastinator with a laundry list of things to avoid putting any amount of time and energy into (including laundry), I worried that I wouldn’t be able to fit procrastinating on a blog into my busy schedule.
And then, one day it just hit me.
This is my procrastination.
This blog will be a product of pure procrastination.
Cue Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’s “Pure Imagination” song, only replace ‘imagination’ with ‘procrastination’.
One day, I’m going to compose actual lyrics to “Pure Procrastination”. Yep. One day.
As much as I love writing for the sake of writing, I can’t deny that I’m also motivated to write when I don’t want to do something that involves me being a responsible, productive adult.
Procrastination can inspire great things when you’ll do literally anything, including start a blog, just to avoid doing something else.
That’s some beautiful, t-shirt quote worthy stuff right there.
So you may be wondering what this amazing new blog, lovingly handcrafted from only the finest of free templates on WordPress.com, is all about.
Well, my friend, let me tell you in the most sophisticated form of writing since the Shakespearean sonnet.
Can you imagine if Shakespeare wrote listicles? If you’re drawing a blank, don’t worry. I imagined it for you!
“13 Ways You Can Compare Thy Bae To A Summer’s Day” by Billy Shakespeare, BuzzFeed Staff
That’s the kind of quality content I assume you’re here for.
And without further sidetracking, I present to you:
“The Top 5 Types Of Content That Will Make You Realize That You Need This Blog In Your Life”
- My work in progress, urban fantasy novel, “Let Sleeping Werewolves Lie”
If you enjoy stories with a compelling plot, fast paced action, and quirky characters, then you should check out the chapters I’ve written so far. None of that stuff actually applies to my novel but you should read it anyway. And maybe leave a comment if you feel so inclined. I have mini panic attacks every time a visitor reads something of mine and doesn’t comment because I assume they thought it was a hot bowl of chunky vomit so I’d appreciate any constructive feedback (good or bad) as the constant hyperventilating isn’t good for my brain.
- Short stories… kinda’
These are just stories that I write when me and my novel need some time apart. There are one or two that I’d like to serialize and add to more frequently, but that mainly depends on reader interest. Comments make for decent bribes, so if you want more of a particular story, let me know.
- Writing Humor
Think I’m funny? Yeah, no, me neither. But at least we can laugh together at my pathetic attempts at humor. There are a few humor-ish features I intend on posting, some of which are: Bad Writing Advice, How Not To Write A Novel, Cringey Sentence of the Week, and Recent Things I’ve Researched (And Why I May Be On An FBI Watch List), etc. I’ll just be killing comedy, one bad joke at a time. So stayed tuned!
- Reviews (Coming Soon!)
I’d like to do book and TV show/movie reviews at some point. Maybe even some product and food reviews because why not? I love opinions, especially when they’re mine.
- Randomness and Nonsense
These will just be posts about miscellaneous things that have little or nothing to do with writing. Some topics I have in mind: Things I’m Currently Obsessing Over, True Life Confessions of a Struggling Writer, Playlist of the Week, Thoughts I’ve Had While In The Shower, My Week In Summary, Random Things I Have Anxiety About, My Favorite Out Of Context Sentence of Week, etc. If it’s off topic and irrelevant, I will make it my sworn duty to share it with you, don’t you fret.
And if all those juicy topics sound like just the kind of content you’ve been missing in your life, then I encourage you to follow and subscribe to this blog. After all, the only thing you have to lose is precious time that could be spent doing something far more important and meaningful.
So there you have it.
My first post!
I can now officially call myself a blogger.
I must admit, it’s a pretty magical feeling. Not quite Disney magical, but very close.
I expect that one day I will look back at this first post and I will cringe down to the depths of my soul until all that’s left of me is a desiccated husk of mortification.
But perhaps not.
Future Me could be a best-selling author and might look back at this with fondness.
I have no idea because unfortunately, there is no app that allows you to see into the future.
At least not yet (c’mon app makers, get on it!).
Regardless, I do know one thing for sure about Future Me.
She’s probably writing.